Updated: Oct 4, 2020
Conventionally speaking, it is taboo for married women to be dating other people. I happen to be one of few that object. Actually, I think it is imperative to a marriage to keep dating other people. Some of the most important people in my life today, are a direct result of my online dating strategies that I'm going to share with you today. The only rule I set for myself while dating is that I only date other women.
First, grab the popcorn. Skimming this post may result in me losing all my friends, and possibly my husband. But, if you read through to the end, I'm sure you'll see things my way.
First, some background.
I've moved many, many, times in my life. From the age of 12 to 28, I think I moved at least 15 times (Sometimes more than once in a year!). Then I just stopped counting. Some moves were just down the street. Once it was completely across a continent. I’ve even moved across an entire country. Some were just for a summer, some felt forever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud or horrified that I have moving down to a science. I know the exact amount and type of Ice cream to buy to comfort myself from the sadness of leaving friends (Hello Ben and Jerry's!). In the same breath, moving has been exciting because it means I get to start online dating again in my new place. Have I mentioned how much I love online dating? It is the best thing that ever happened to my marriage!
How does dating others as a married woman help my marriage?
It is simple. It spreads my weight. It is no doubt that I'm a pretty intense person. Not many people can handle the full breath of all that I bring into the world. For starters, I'm a very social person. I'm so socially inclined that when I was a child, my father had a sign in and out sheet on the fridge for me as an attempt to reign in my social-butterfly-on-steroids personality. It would be impossible for any one person to keep up with the kind of social schedule I keep.
I even exhaust myself.
So, dating, while married, provides me with the opportunity to meet and interact with other people without putting my husband in a position of exhaustion. I can't advocate this lifestyle choice enough. The list of benefits is endless.
Here are a few more benefits:
- Something and someone new to talk with my husband about
- Life changing experiences I hadn't considered before presenting themselves
-Hysterical stories of people I meet that are bat shit crazy....even more so than I am.
-A deeper appreciation for the love and friendship I have with my husband who I have been "dating" for 20 years.
When I develop relationships with people outside of my marriage, I find my village of support systems really grows. This month I have been reminded of yet another benefit.
The power of collaboration.
Yes, I did the unthinkable. I brought many people I'm dating at the same time into the same digital room and we all got chatting. Can you imagine bringing all your ex's to the same dinner and having a great party together? I can't! And in fact, I don't actually break up with people so I don't have any Ex's. We just continue dating with different parameters on our relationship as the years go by. Every person has a season and I never know how long it will be but I enjoy the journey until the season changes. But back to dating. Where did I find these people you may be wondering....keep reading.
How do I find people to date?
I joked on my last camping trip that there should be an app called Timber...for people who camp and just want to meet up with other campers in the area. But, that isn't what i use. I stick to what works.
I put up adverts.
I say simple things like "looking for a yoga partner", or "Looking for a running buddy", "looking for someone to play a particular board game with #Cashflow101 ). The bonds I've made with people I meet from my adverts and the interconnection they now have with my entire family has been life changing. One lady, responded to an advert I posted in the newspaper back in 2008. Now, my children are actually willed to her and her husband!
Another lady, who found me from an advert on Facebook, is so close, she and her husband are the God Parents to my daughter. I have even used Kijiji to post my dating needs, which lead me to forming a deep friendship and getting a loan from an amazing woman thereby allowing me to buy a business! The more people I date, the easier it is for my and their dreams to be achieved. But, I digress.
So, here we are all in this digital room. We had a mission. The focus was to raise money for a woman in need. The target was my cousin Catherine who is battling brain cancer and as we all put our heads together, we realized together we could do the unthinkable. We could make a difference.
This is what dating does for me: It pools like minded people together and fueled by mutual love, they support each other and each other's villages. (I bet you can't wait to try it). Let me share a bit more about my dating interests at the moment.
Who I Am Dating This Month and What Did We Decide?
Aislinn- a phenomenal go-getter who responded to my online advert looking for someone just like her. She is also a mom and an amazing Pampered Chef Consultant. She hosts virtual parties and ships amazing products to anyone in Canada. She agreed to donate the proceeds of her sales to Catherine's cause. You are invited to join our online party this month by >>Clicking HERE<<
Brittany The Bookworm.-She actually found me online, she is also a mom and wanted to get to know me better. Her first words to me were "I am a stranger. We don't know each other, but I heard about you from someone and you are truly inspiring.". Wow! How do you not start off a relationship with joy in your heart when that is the introductory line! She is a consultant for Usborne Books at Home and also agreed to give proceeds from the sale of her books to Catherine's fundraiser. >>Click Here << to check out the party she is hosting for me.
Talena Winters she and I have been dating on and off for over 4 years and understand the juggle of mom life and personal passions. Recently I needed some literary support and she offered to edit the children's story I wrote. Thanks to here I can now sell it and offer the revenue back to Catherine! My first (unpublished and un-illustrated ) children's story is ready to be purchased online.>>Click Here For Info <<
Now I know I said, my only rule is NOT to date men. But, this month I broke my rule and made an exception. (uh oh!) My only consolation was he has the first name as my Husband. (No need to worry about keeping their names straight!).
Mark Luongo was a completely unexpected addition to my repertoire. I had been looking online for someone with his talent for a while and hadn't found the right fit. He came well recommended off Facebook and when we met virtually, I knew he was the one. The one to teach my son music online that is. Mark has also agreed to donate the proceeds of virtual music classes booked in October to Catherine. He teaches both adults and children Guitar, Ukulele, and Piano. >> Click Here << to check him out.
Now, if you've made it down this far and still have popcorn in your bowl, I am impressed! There is something I want to add. Perhaps the most important tidbit of information in this entire post.
Often times we think of dating as a romantic courtship. And, I suppose, in some ways I do love the people I date. But not in a let's get married and start a family kind of way. Dating, to me, is more about building my village. Its about finding people to do this thing called LIFE with. Finding people with a little bit of commonality and enjoying our time together under the umbrella of THAT commonality. Then you can enjoy all of life's adventures with the best of company.
We don't have to have everything in common. We don't even have to meet. Some people I've never even spoken on the phone to! Some people I talk to every day.Our proximity isn't important. The inspiration and support we provide to each other feels very much like they live next door.
Thanks to living with my phone in my hand, instead of holding hands with all of these people, I simply open up a chat room and have a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, a confident, sometimes a hiking buddy or even a babysitter. The list is endless. Each of my dates, has a special place in my heart, they provide me with laughter, and like I said above, it spreads my weight so I don't drown my husband with my shenanigans and neediness.
If you'd like to get to know my dates (and maybe even join my dating circle?) take a look at the beautiful collaboration of minds changing the life for my cousin, hop over to www.ConqueringCancerWithCatherine.ca
Tell me, who are you dating this month?
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